Three Words That Can Forever Change Your Life
Through the years of observing clients, it’s clear that the deeply held feelings and desires we collectively have at our core are very similar. No matter how we grew up or what hardships we encountered, many of us seem to share the same belief that “We are not enough”. This relentless belief almost always lies beneath the surface of emotional strife, addictions, or mental struggles that people encounter. This belief can and should be viewed as a collective human disorder that is pervasive in society. The following is a method that could reverse this unforgiving belief and in turn remove the biggest blocks to achieving your goals and success.
The “I am not enough” syndrome shows up in infinite ways such as; I’m not smart enough, slim enough, attractive enough, rich enough, happy enough, successful enough, young enough, interesting enough, liked enough and so on and so forth. This feeling that you’re not enough is the issue that is at the core of so many people’s problems. When we dig down into the addictive patterns of workaholism, shopaholics, the insatiable need for repetitive cosmetic surgeries, overeating, hoarding, depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, or extra marital affairs and are able to locate the point earlier in their lives (usually between ages of 0-10) when they created this belief of “not being enough” you can see that those issues tend to be manifestations of that damaging core belief.
In society we see it time and time again with acclaimed Hollywood actors or actresses and music stars who live these lives of self-destruction. On the outside, they appear to have wild success, beauty, talent, and a lavish life of luxury and yet many of them can’t stop the self-sabotage. In fact, the feeling that they are not enough is precisely what drives them to such great success.
I have witnessed how this belief, if not questioned, can sabotage one’s life. A former client of mine and his story can best illustrate this phenomenon. After observing his life’s path, one could quickly see that whatever this man had be it fancy cars, luxury homes, accolades, world renowned businesses or a supportive family and wife it was never enough to satisfy him. He had all of the external indicators of success but none of the happy feelings that he had convinced himself this success would bring. The more he accumulated the more his addiction to drugs, sex and gambling grew and his perceived happiness dwindled. He was trying to fill a hole that he couldn’t fill.
If we look at this man’s childhood one could see his early experiences were less than uplifting. He was born with a visible physical deformity, and his parents were ‘proper people’ who would shutter at the thought of being seen as having a son that had a disability or that was not “normal”. They would often tell him to hide his deformity so others wouldn’t see that he or the family was imperfect. So, at a very young age he was led to believe he was flawed and that innately, he was not good enough.
He spent his entire life trying to prove his worth by accumulating the types of things that would make him feel enough. He would often say things like: ‘once I finish building this house, I’ll be happy’ or ‘once I sell this business, then I’ll be good, or ‘once I buy one more exotic car then, I’ll be happy’,or ‘once I get this relationship, I’ll be content’. It was a bottomless pit. His lack of self-love and that believing deep down, he was not enough, overpowered the belief that something outside of himself was going to be his path to happiness. If he would have had the awareness, tools and wisdom to ask himself, ‘is it true that because my flawed parents asked me to hide my deformity, means that I am not enough?’ Is that 100% fact? His answer likely would have been a resounding NO and propel him onto a healthier path.
Once a person internalizes that belief, it’s challenging to even know how it’s affecting them because it’s so fundamental and deeply ingrained. This is especially true with how society reinforces it in countless ways, from unrealistic beauty standards, consumerism to fantasy relationship ideals. In a quest to find comfort in the pain of believing, ‘I’m not enough’, many turn to addictions, compulsions, anxiety and depression.
However, I have seen how a simple, yet profound mantra, can shift one’s perception from a limited self to a limitless self. Simply start affirming the mantra, ‘I AM ENOUGH” out loud!
Author and therapist, Marissa Peer sums it up nicely, ‘You can use the power of stating that you are enough, that you always have been and always will be, to achieve success in every key area of your life. When you say it, think it and believe it and make it an automatic and regular part of your life you can expect to see wonderful improvements in your relationships, in your career and in how you feel about yourself.’
You may already know the source of your feelings of not being enough. If you don’t, I would encourage you to take some time to contemplate this deeply. How old were you? Who was there? Was something said to you? What did you experience? Once you uncover it, it’s important to ask yourself if what you are believing is even true?’. Quite often we just move through life making decisions based on this untrue negative belief without ever questioning it. It’s likely something that we made up when we were very young, interpreting an experience with our young, naive mind and making it mean there is something wrong with us. Now, that old program is still running in the background like a virus in a computer, causing unnecessary damage.
Here is a great action step recommended by Marissa Peer: Put the phrase, ‘I AM ENOUGH’ in places where you will repeatedly see it day after day. You can place post-it notes around your home, office and car, set it as a screensaver, and make it a daily reminder on your phone. Change all of your passwords so you have to type it every day. Then, tell yourself out loud that you are enough, regularly. Say it over and over in the shower. Make it a statement of truth in multiple tenses. ‘I am enough, I have always been enough, I will always be enough’.
Saying ‘I am enough’ is not an act of wishful thinking or trying to fake it until you make it. The statement, ‘I am enough’ is a fact. Every single person born on this planet and by the virtue of their existence is enough and is worthy of love and belonging. Just being here, being ourselves is enough.
My happiest clients don’t struggle with the belief, ‘I am not enough’, or if they do, not for very long. In fact, they have the opposite beliefs. They believe in, ‘I am enough, I am destined for greatness, I add value to people’s lives, and I am fully supported to achieve my wildest dreams’.
In case you’re wondering, ‘YOU ARE ENOUGH” (wink).
www.iamenough.com/resources
